The "B-Side" of Me

I don’t quite understand if this is how I’m supposed to feel about being home. Of course I am happy about being home, but I feel as if this past semester didn’t happen. The best way I can explain this is like the concept of Narnia.

I left through the wardrobe 4 months ago and found myself in Spain. I had a whole different life. I traveled, I made amazing friends, I literally had the time of my life. I LOVED every minute of it. Then on Thursday it was my time to leave Narnia after making my mark and learning a life lesson. I went back through the wardrobe to a familiar scene as if only a second had passed by from the time I left. Some things have changed, but not much. I’m picking up where I left off. I’m back to seeing my boyfriend, going back to work, and living at home. I honestly feel -at times- that this past semester some how didn’t happen. It may be cliche, but it seems like a dream. It’s something that happened so far back in my past that it’s like it never happened. I was in Spain less than a week ago, and yet I feel so much space between my Granada life and now. 

I love Des Moines and this semester has made me realize that this is where I want to be. Everything I love and need is right here in this city.

Spain is now just a past life that I get to share with the 40 other people in my program. I may never see any of those people since we are from all corners of the US, but I will always remember my time spent in Narnia.

10 more days. 10? That doesn´t seem right. They were right when they say it goes by fast. I don´t feel like it went by fast at first, but holy shit son I´m going home in 10 days. Unreal.

I like how my last 5 statuses got likes from 4 people, 6 people, 12 people, 5 people, and 11 people.

Yet I post one status about a current event going on in the Middle East and I get 2 likes: one from my boyfriend and one from a friend who served in Afghanistan.

This just proves to me that the world has their priorities messed up. Now please go back to your wonderful, worry free lives. I´ll try to reverse people´s perception of the United States by myself.

Payphone- Maroon 5 is now on repeat on iTunes.

I miss the lack of new music!! Gahhh it´s almost like I´m cut off from pop culture civilization not having internet at my apartment here.

#FirstWorldProblems

Today starts the 1 month, 30 day, countdown until I am back in the good ol’ United States. Damn, time flies sooo fast. I can’t believe it’s already the middle of April.

This is also my second to last weekend in Granada. Next weekend I’m partying it up in Sevilla, then the next weekend I am partying it up Portugal, and then my last weekend my parents are coming to Granada. Gahhh so excited for what this next month has in store for me!

Crossing important things off of my To-Do List like a boss.

My stress level is rising and my patience is wearing thin.

Spain fucking sucks with their postal service. They hold up packages of value so you have to pay for them later. I have a package waiting for me in Madrid that was supposed to be here March 5th and probably won´t get her until after I leave in May. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it but bitch and complain and wait.

My class schedule is up for next semester. I have one hell of a semester on my plate since I basically wasted this semester. I mean this is a hell of an experience but I´m losing a semester practically. I won´t have to take an extra semester, I´ll graduate on time, but my class load is going to bite me in the ass.

I am however going to take a summer class at DMACC. Through Central I have to submit a Transfer Credit Pre-Approval form. Great, no problem. Nothing is ever that simple. This form is in Adobe Reader so I cannot simply email people this form. This form requires the signature of the history department chair, my advisor, and the registrar. I´m basically emailing everybody making myself look like an ass because I can´t physically be there to do all of this. I have to ask my advisor to turn it in for me after she signs it. I have to ask my director to use her fax machine. I have to repeatedly email people to get information. I still don´t even have a fucking fax number.

My inbox is practically full, but I can´t go past January to delete emails. All the ones that I have now are necessary to keep. My email is fucking stupid.

I don´t have internet at my house here so I have to walk 30 minutes to school after lunch to use it. To make my time worth while I stay for several hours. Before I know it, it is 7:00pm and I realize I have spent my whole day at school, again. It´s also the only time I can talk to Casey so I end up spending a lot of time at school.

I´m sick. It´s going around school with a sore throat and runny nose. This makes it harder for me to walk every where, and I can´t go running which I´d like to do with my time.

If I´m having a bad day, it affects Casey. He tries to make things better, but I can´t be happy at the snap of a finger. Then he gets sad because he can´t make me happy. Then in turn makes me less happy. It´s starting to become really hard to basically only talk to him through FB chat. I can Skype but only on my iPod where I do not have a camera. My computer crapped out on me early on this semester. I have a hunch it has to do with the electicity conversion. My computer can not handle Skype or much less anything else. It will turn off. Not shut down, it will turn itself off and not turn back on until after an hour atleast.

I´m trying to plan trips, but that is frustrating in itself. Trying to figure out transportation to and from the city, once you´re in the city, the cost. Shit, the fucking cost gets me. I don´t even want to know how much money I´ve spent. So my dad is covering my expenses for now, but he is keeping a tally of all that I will owe him. Well I´m going to the 3 most expensive places in Europe: Paris, London, and Rome. That will also come around and bite me in the ass. As I write this section I see that I sound like a spoiled brat for this part. But the point is booking trips is very frustrating on top of everything else going on.

I´ve been here for 2 months and I´ve been lucky not to feel too homesick, but sometimes being so far away is just so fucking frustrating and nothing goes right. I´m tired of everything, but I´m just in one of those moods. Tomorrow I´ll be just fine and dealing with things like normal. But today. Today. It´s a bit much.

I´m going for a fucking walk and blaring my iPod to angry music.

My theme song for this walk: “I Don´t Wanna Care Right Now” by Lupe Fiasco. It´s a good song, check it out.

*sorry that I first post back is a pessimistic one. This is just a place that I can vent about my thoughts. Thanks for listening.